Who am I?

Well, there goes my plan of updating this at least once a week! Lol. I realized that I haven’t actually introduced myself, I just ran with the assumption that only people that know me will be the ones reading this. So, who am I?

I go by Lynn, which is legally my middle name, but growing up with an unusual first name was pretty torturous, so I made the change not too long ago to finally drop that and go by my preferred middle name. I’m 47 years old, will be 48 in April. I have 3 kids who are all off on their own; a son who is married and 29 years old, a daughter who is engaged and 23, and another daughter that is 21. My kids are my life, and if I do nothing else great for the rest of my life, I know that at least I raised 3 amazing kids. I was born and raised in West Michigan, and where I still call home. I have lived for the past 15 years in the Willamette Valley of Oregon.

What brought me to Oregon? The short answer is: I needed a change of scenery. I’m not going to go into the long answer here, but suffice to say, I needed a change. This area is amazingly beautiful, filled with old growth forests, snow-capped mountains, an ocean, a desert, and lots of winter-time rain. I really do love it here, although the endless cold rainy winters are wearing on me.

I was married in 1996, and my husband and I each brought a child into our marriage (he has a daughter, I have my son). We quickly had our 2 daughters together after that. Our marriage was, shall we say, rocky for the majority of it. We had our good times, but overall, I wouldn’t say it was a wonderful marriage. We separated in 2012, and divorced in 2014. I found myself quickly in another relationship, with a man I truly believed to be my soul mate. Neither of us are perfect, and we certainly had our issues and quirks, but at some deep level, our souls connected. That relationship lasted 5 years, and at the end, I was quite devastated and heartbroken. We still chat pretty much every single day in the nearly 2 years since, and we’ve seen each other a few times, but he moved to Ohio, and well, long-distance just doesn’t work. I still consider him my best friend. After him, I dated a few people. I started a new relationship in late June of 2019, and it went amazingly well for a few months. I’m not going to go into details, but in mid-October we had a difference in opinion/thoughts and it pretty much broke our relationship. We stayed together until late January, when I ended it. However, that only lasted about 2 weeks, and we have been seeing each other again. Neither of us really know what our relationship status is, so I guess I can say it’s complicated.

I have several hobbies that I enjoy doing, but rarely have time to do. I love to camp, ride my motorcycle, read, go hiking, explore nature, go kayaking, go to the coast, and TRAVEL… mostly outside stuff. Unfortunately, as I alluded to, I rarely have time to do any of that, between working as much as I do, and trying to get my house remodeled and purged. Plus, it’s winter right now, so cold and rainy most every day, not fun to be outside, for sure!

I work in IT, essentially a network administrator. I also have a few side jobs, one being a server at the VFW, and another a bartender at OSU sporting events. My IT job pays the bills, the side jobs pay for my home equity loan and my travel.

So that’s me in a nutshell. I’m pretty much an open book, if there is anything you would like to know, ask in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer.

Moving forward

This past week or so I’ve put into motion some events that now cannot be undone. That’s both good and bad. It means I’m taking steps for my future, but it’s also scary as hell. Although I’m still not ready to announce what is going to happen, just be aware that it’s pretty huge and will be a drastic change from my current way of life.

Late last week, I was suffering from a 3-day migraine, trapped mostly in bed, and thinking of the events that I put into motion. And I was scared. Scared of all of this failing. Scared of spending my life alone. Scared of ending up with nothing. And I started spiraling down into a hole. I was feeling depressed, like maybe I’ve made a huge mistake, and just concerned about all the work I have in front of me to make this plan a reality. I ended up reaching out to a friend, who texted with me late into the night and helped me feel so much better. So Doug, if you ever read this, thanks! I needed someone to distract me and make me feel like a worthwhile person, and you did an amazing job at it!

On Saturday, I decided to throw this out to the universe, and asked for a sign to guide me to making the right choice. Let me explain: I am not a religious person; I don’t believe in the concept of heaven and hell, although I do not believe that when humans die, they just disappear. They are “out there” somewhere. That being said, my mom died in late 2017, and in the years since, she has sent me signs several times. How? Well, I believe in the “Dimes from ‘Heaven'” theory, and yes, that seems a bit ironic since I don’t believe in the classic definition of heaven, but that’s just what this is called. I believe that when you run across random dimes, it’s a message from a loved one, letting you know everything is ok. For example, last summer my son was in a car accident. He and my mom were very close for his entire life, and the accident he was in had the potential to be really bad. He rear-ended somebody on the freeway, yet both he and the person he hit walked away. His car got towed to my house, and as I was cleaning it out (it was totaled), I found a dime on the floor of the driver’s seat. No other money in the entire car, no random pennies laying around, not a nickel to be found, but a dime in the exact spot my son was sitting. I believe she kept him safe. That wasn’t the only sign she has sent me, but in order to keep this post a readable length, we’ll skip those stories for now (maybe in a future post if anyone is interested).

So, back to asking for a sign to guide me… On Saturday, I was cleaning my house, dusting the china cabinet i took from my mom’s condo after she died. I decided to ask my mom for advice. I’m like “Mom, I have 2 choices here. One is the scary one that will drastically change my way of life, and the other is much more safe and would not require as many changes. Please send me a sign. If I should choose the scary choice, please show me a dime inside my house. If I should choose the safer option, please show me a dime somewhere outside my house.” I finished up the cabinet, finished cleaning the kitchen, and then moved on to the living room. I was dusting in there, and started dusting the little 3-shelf unit that had been hers, that has her Bose stereo on it. Normally I do just a quick once-over, in front of the equipment and on top of it. But this time I decided to pull it out away from the wall to dust behind the stereo. Guess what I found on the middle shelf, behind the Bose? Yeah, a dime… inside my house. Mom has chosen. She wants me to make the huge change. It is super risky, but omg the rewards of doing this are way too much to even comprehend. So I’m back to full steam ahead… still scared, but I really think it will be ok.